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GoGoGo Writes:

I am an 18 year old female and recently graduated. I have this friend who I work with and see every once in a while and recently her and I have been talking a lot and really getting along. The thing is, I have always thought of myself as straight even though I have had thoughts about being bi but never actually had any crushes on girls so I thought it was just a possibility. 

So anyways, recently I've been thinking about her like I used to think about crushes... and just the other day we had a really long talk about just things and it sort of made me fall for her. 

I just don't know what to do. My best friend is bisexual and I'm even afraid to tell her about this crush! I honestly really REALLY like her, but I'm SO afraid of what could happen if I told her, but it's seriously KILLING me to keep it inside like this. The sad thing is, she's incredibly androgynous and I find myself thinking what if she likes girls too? Because it's definitely a possibility and she's mentioned liking girls before but I always took it as her just joking around. 

Just argh, I'm so confused. I really REALLY like her, but I'm SO scared. 

MR. GOOD ADVICE:

A lot depends on how much you treasure this friendship.  Afterall, there is nothing that can ruin a friendship faster then an unwelcome sexual advance.  I suspect that the reason you became friends with this girl is because you were sexually attracted to her in the first place.  I guess that would make you a lesbian.  I don't buy into the bisexual thing.  Yes, people can have sex with guys and girls, but they really like one more then the other. You simply have not come to terms with your sexuality.

I think first its important for you to feel comfortable about who you are and what you want before you drag someone else into the picture.  She may not be gay, she may just enjoy being your friend.  If you make an unwelcome pass it could have real bad results for you because you are not ready to deal with your own sexuality.  Are you ready for being outed by this person if she rejects your advances?  I doubt it.  Perhaps you should seek out other lesbians before you make your intentions known to this person.  Get comfortable with who you are and more importantly get comfortable with letting others know.

You are living in the age of Myspace and Facebook. You can find other lesbians as easy as ordering a pizza or checking the start time for Transformers at your local movie theater. Coming out is a very difficult experience for many people and I suggest that you talk to others who have done this before you.  

Once you are no longer afraid to discuss being a lesbian then you can make all the advances you want!  You can turn on the charm with any woman who catches your eye without any fear of what anyone else will think.  Just imagine the possibilities!

If you are not willing to wait and feel the need to make a move on this girl now, just be prepared for the consequences.  She may or may not be a lesbian.  Even if she is a lesbian she may or may not be interested in you!  If she is not a lesbian she will probably tell others that you came onto her.  (Everyone will know you are a lesbian except you!) You also work with this person and this could make for a horrible time at work each and everyday if you are rejected.  

Love has a way of working itself out.  So, if the feelings are mutual here I suspect you will be just fine.  Good luck!