AJ Writes:

Ok I really need some advice on this one. I've known a woman since kindergarden and I started liking her in fourth grade. She wasn't interested. Ever since then I haven't been able to have a long term relationship.

It's affected my relationships in such a way that its almost impossible to get close to anybody else because I love her, and it is my belief that you just can't be with somebody when your're in love with somebody else. For three years now, I have been madly in love with her and its gotten so bad that recently I've been either depressed or pining, I don't know which. I can't say for sure what made me fall in love with her other than the fact that when she smiles, it makes me want to be able to put a smile on her face everyday for the rest of my life. When we talk, which isnt often, I feel like every word she says to me is a gift to be treasured. I just don't know what to do or even how to go about telling her how I feel. Being blunt about my feelings is something I can't do because I don't want her to get the wrong idea about me, and showing her how I feel isn't really an option either because I don't know the first thing about showing my feelings.

I realize that I seriously love this woman, and I I'd give anything to be with her. What should I do? HELP!

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

To be honest, I can't figure out your age. If I assume you are someone who is in seventh grade my response is simple. You are way too young to be stressing over relationships. There is absolutely no chance that any relationship you have right now will last until you are an adult. At this age the idea is to have fun and to enjoy all of the great things that come with having absolutely no responsibilties other than school. Yes, you will meet people you like and yes you will feel as though they are the love of your life, but the truth is they are not. Don't get me wrong, young love can bring heartache and disapointment but you have plenty of opportunities ahead so there is really no need to get depressed or to pine away for anyone.

You say this girl wasn't interested in you when she was in the fourth grade. More than likely a person who is not interested in you, will remain uninterested. You have been rejected. No one likes getting rejected. It sucks big time. The key to getting over rejection is accepting it. You seem to think that somehow with time you can make this person come to her senses. The truth is mutual attraction is a very rare and wonderful thing. When it occurs there is nothing that can stop it from taking hold. However when there is no mutual attraction it can't be manufactured by any amount of conversation, pleading or begging.

The bottom line here is that if this girl didn't like you before the chances are she still doesn't. Don't waste you time or energy trying to change her mind. If you are sad about this that's perfectly normal and it will pass, although it may not seem like it. You will meet many more people in you life with great smiles that will warm your heart and each one will make you feel similarly, so slow down, cheer up and enjoy bring young.

NOTE: If I misinterpreted your letter and you are actually an adult still pining over a girl you met in kindergarden please let me know, my response would be different for you.