Jersey Mom Writes:

This past week my doorbell rang and I was confronted by a local policeman.  He advised me that my 15 year old daughter had been the victim of domestic violence.  It seems that her boyfriend was seen punching her around in neighborhood.  If that wasn't enough, I was told that her boyfriend was 24 years old!

According to her she has been seeing this guy for about three months and had been keeping it a secret from me.  The police officer wanted to know if I wanted to pursue a restraining order on behalf of my daughter.  I was so caught off guard I didn't know what to do.

My daughter claims she loves this person and she begged me not to take any action against him.  I love my daughter, but the thought of this person being around her is making me sick.

How should I handle this situation?

MR. GOOD ADVICE:

This is an easy one.  He is 24 years old and I am certain that pretty much everywhere in the United States its illegal for him to date your 15 year old daughter, if its not it should be!  Perhaps, an argument can be made that love knows no age boundaries, but whatever argument this dude and your daughter could have made with regard to their "love" is null and void once this idiot put his hands on her.  

You are the parent. Your job is to protect your daughter from people who are likely to do her harm.  By punching your daughter this guy has shown he is a really dangerous individual  What 24 year man goes around punching 15 year old girls!  Allowing your daughter to pursue a relationship with this person is to allow her to begin a life of misery and pain.  She is too young to be exposed to this type of violence.  Don't feel badly about ending their relationship and causing your daughter some heartache.  Her broken heart will heal soon enough, just like everyone else's.

Remember, your daughter has no say in this matter at all.  Tell her you love her and that one day she will understand why you are putting an end to this relationship.  If its too late to sign the restraining order, make sure you let this person know that if he makes any effort to come around your daughter you will prosecute him for statutory rape. You must be prepared to stick to your guns.  If you see any communication between these two then you must take the appropriate action.  

The most important lesson for your daughter to learn right now is that there should be no tolerance for physical violence in her life.  Teach her so that she may avoid situations like this in the future.  

This will not be easy for you.  I am certain that you face tremendous challenges with your daughter.  You might need the assistance of some big strong relatives to chase this guy out of the picture.  Perhaps if he gets a taste of his own medicine he might learn a little about keeping his hands to himself.

You daughter will no doubt resent your actions and it may ultimately harm your relationship with her.  You must understand that parents sometimes have to make tough choices and this is one of them.  At the age of 15 your daughter can not possible know what is best for her, that is your job right now.