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Janet Writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years.  My boyfriend is always complaining that our sex has gotten to be routine and boring.  He has this fantasy about having a threeway with another girl and is constantly begging me to let this happen.  I'm not really into women so this idea doesn't sound to good to me, especially since he won't let me have another guy!

I am afraid that if I don't do this threeway with him, he will go out have sex with other girls anyway, or even worse, break up with me.  Do you think I should just do this and let him get his way?

MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:

Here's the problem with this threeway idea.  First of all, somebody always gets left out! In this scenario that somebody is going to be you.  So, it is highly unlikely that this will be a very pleasant situation for you.  (Think of it as coming home and catching your boyfriend in bed with another woman and he doesn't stop!)  Unless you like to suffer, I don't suggest that you do this just so that you can avoid a possible break-up.

The second problem with this threeway idea is that once you open that door it will never shut.  In essence you are giving your man permission to cheat on you and he is gonna want to do this over and over again.  He will focus all of his time and energy on finding new girls to invite over and you will be left to put up with this bullshit.  Once you cross this line in the relationship there will be no going back. 

There are people who can share partners without getting jealous and they can manage to have a great time while engaging in group sex.  The key to their success is an understanding that there is a bond between the couple that is greater then the sex act that they are engaging in.  If your relationship is that strong then sex is simply something that is done for fun and can be done with other people without there being a threat to the relationship.  I have known people who have had ongoing sexual experiences of this nature and have been happily together for over twenty years.

Nonetheless, most people can't handle this type of situation.  They simply will get too jealous watching their partner drooling over someone else.  The result is often that the fantasy is much better then the reality of the actual threeway.  I would venture to say that if you are not into women there is no upside for you here.  If you decide to do this then it must be fair and you must insist that your man have to watch you get what you want, another guy!  Otherwise, you simply should not even consider it any further.

Threeways can be fun but most often they lead to the destruction of relationships and don't do very much to save them.  Maybe its time move on.