Deborah Writes:

I got into an actual physical fist fight with my best friend for the past 6 years.  She said something I disagreed with and I snapped and went to hit her. I hit her and she hit me back.. not in a joking way. I apolized to her a billion times, I know I messed up and I over reacted. This happened almost two weeks ago and she won't speak to me. How do I get my friend back?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

Sometimes we hurt the people who are closest to us. This usually has something to do with the fact that we believe that our friendships can survive anything, so we don't necessarily exercise the same restraint we would use with a common stranger. This can sometimes lead to some very ugly situations. Who hasn't said hurtful things to a loved one, only to regret it a short time later? Sometimes our friendships can recover and sometimes they cannot.

It's one thing to say hurtful things to a close friend, it's quite another to physically attack them. If you are a teenager then perhaps you simply acted out of immaturity and will outgrow this way of dealing with problems. However, if you are an adult then I am really concerned that you have some real issues to address within yourself.

Can you repair this friendship? I don't know because I think that there are boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed and hitting a good friend is one. I don't think anyone should put up with physical abuse, so unless you are willing to take real action to deal with your issues of self-control I would counsel your friend to stay away from you.

So I guess my answer to your question is that you need to work really hard to show your friend that you realize you crossed the line. Get some counseling for yourself, not to win back your friend, so that you can make sure you never make this type of mistake again. Maybe once you have learned this behavior is unacceptable your friend might trust you enough to be around you. I guess time will tell.