Okay, so I'm not sure what to do, I mean I've been dealing with a lot lately and I'm not sure I can handle it anymore, because like I'm getting so stressed and sick of drama and I've been thinking about suicide; I have like NO friends and I have NOTHING to live for, I'm single, unhappy and I suffer from chronic depression; It's not working for me anymore. So can you give me some ways to make it through my days or give me some reasons to keep moving forward? I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!!!

I've tried to commit suicide before and I used to cut; I've been in the hospital for over dosing on some medication. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. And I hardly ever go to school I mean I'm not sure what to do anymore.  I am 14.

MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:

Your letter really concerns me.  I am sitting here wondering what in life can be so terrible at the age of fourteen that you are ready to give up on life.  First of all let me say this and get it out of the way, if you are seriously considering doing harm to yourself please pick up the phone and call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and talk with someone immediately because suicide is not the answer to the problems we face in life.

Now, that being said let me say a few things to you.  I am much older than you, so I have learned a few things in this life that may be helpful to you.  First, you are going to feel depressed and shitty on many, many occasions in life.  Life is a journey filled with many ups and downs and no matter how hard you try to avoid the downs, they will come.  When those down times come you can't really fight them, you have to accept them as part of the experience and just ride them out.  I like to think that the bad times really serve as a reminder to enjoy the good times and not to take them for granted.  So don't feel like you are the only one who gets depressed or down, because you are not.  Everyone goes through their moments and sometimes they are not pretty.  Just try to remain focused on the fact that these bad times will pass soon enough.

I remember as a teenager worrying so much about things that seemed so important at the time.  In reality, they weren't as important as I thought.  It just took a few years to figure it out.  

I can understand the pressure of wanting to have lots of friends and being popular and all of that stuff.  In reality, friends are overrated.  If you are lucky in life you will have a handful of real friends that you can count on during a time of crisis.  So, if you feel that you don't have enough friends, you are probably feeling what many people are feeling.  Friends come and go, and at your age you are only beginning to get to the age where real friendships will develop.  Don't give up on yourself that easily.  My father always said the only real friends were the green dollar bills in your wallet, as I grow older I think I understand where he was coming from.  Stay focused on yourself and loving yourself.  When you understand that your life is a blessing and worth living, you will love yourself and all of the rest will fall in place.

I don't know much about chronic depression, so I can't imagine what you are going through.  However, if you are not getting help for it make sure that you reach out and get the medical help that you need.  You are only 14 and to say that you have nothing to live for just doesn't seem to make sense to me.  You are only just beginning to live.  Just imagine the things you are going to do in your life.  The places you will visit.  The people you will meet.  The things you will accomplish.  Let's not forget about the guys you will no doubt meet and all the times you will fall in and out of love.

I guess what I am trying to say is life has much more to offer than you can understand now.  Give it some time and I am sure that you will see that your problems are not at bad as they may seem right now.  You only need to look around you and see that many people in this world have far greater problems than you.  Next time you are outside notice the problems that others are dealing with on a daily basis and yet they haven't given up.  

You ask me to give you some ways to get through each day.  I don't know that there is a guidebook to happiness.  I just know that you must choose to be happy over sad, and you must choose life over death.  How you get to happy is not always easy, it requires work and sometimes help.  Most of all it requires a commitment to yourself to do those things that bring you joy and avoid those things that bring you pain.

So, when you are down it's okay, just roll with the punches and look forward to the happiness that is coming right around the corner.  You are not the only feeling the way you are today.  It's a part of life, so try and keep your head up because in the end, everything is going to be ok. 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months and lately we've been talking about having sex and what it would be like.

I'm a very outgoing, social butterfly type of girl. I'm sometimes crazy with a mix of insane I'm sometimes very emotionally unstable and I have a panic disorder, but put all that aside; and I'm unique and kind of an outcast. I don't trust easy because I've been hurt some many times. I love to write poetry and lyrics. I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I get confused easily and I love my life.

My boyfriend is the only one that can make me smile when I want to cry. He's the one person I can tell ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to; he knows things about me I won't even tell people I've known since kindergarten. He can look at me and I'll instantly start smiling and giggling. Yeah, he's my boyfriend but our relationship is more than that. He's my bestfriend, no one else can compare to him. No one else will ever make me feel the way he does. We have so many inside jokes and a secret handshake and it's a very amazing relationship. I am 120% in love with him and he feels the same about me. That's why he's so special. I know I love him and he loves me but are we moving too fast for two teens only together four months?

MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:

Four months is not that long of a time. People have a tendency to use the word love way too early and way too often. It may feel like love but it's probably just the beginning of a very typical teenage relationship. Even so, right now it feels great and everything is wonderful. The question for you to decide is whether this person is worthy of engaging in this very intimate act with you. Teenagers have sex, so I won't try and pretend that somehow you will wait until your wedding day. I just want you to understand that your body is a special thing and no one should have access to it unless you are really sure they deserve it. Even more important is that you feel that you are ready to accept the responsibility of having sexual relationships.

Sex is great. However, it's a very serious thing and you should always talk to your parents or other adults to get a real life perspective. Bad things can happen when having sex and you need to make sure you are ready to protect yourself from these issues. The last thing a young girl needs is to get pregnant or catch a sexually transmitted disease. Make sure you do your homework before having sex with anyone!

Your reputation is everything. Make sure you are dealing with mature dudes who can respect the gift you are sharing with them. You don't need to have your business all over town!

If you have any doubts about having sex then my advice is easy, don't do it. When you are ready you will know and there should be no doubts. Be patient, be safe and don't be afraid to talk with your family about this very important issue. You might be suprised how much good advice you can get!

I am 13 years old, is it okay to give my phone number to a 17 year old boy?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

You should be asking your parent's this question, not me! The fact that you feel the need to keep this a secret from them shows me that you already know in your heart that this is a bad idea. There is very little that a 13 year old and a 17 year can have in common, so find someone your own age!

There is nothing but trouble coming your way if you choose to ignore my advice. You are way too young to be dealing with someone this guy's age, slow down and enjoy being a kid! This guy is either a real creep or just plain immature if he wants to have a relationship with you. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. You should be wondering why he can't find a girl his own age.

Do yourself a favor, leave this situation alone! At a minimum talk with your parent's before giving out your number, I am sure they will agree with me. However, don't be suprised if your father hunts this guy down and beats the crap out if him.

I've been with this boy for almost a year. In the beginning we were happy and then his sister came home from this "bad kid" home. It created all this drama with his family because his sister doesn't listen for anything.

Well I started helping out around my boyfriend's house and what not. His mom no longer likes me the way she used too, everything's going wrong all at the same time, I don't feel like I can handle this. I talked to my boyfriend about it. He's always upset about his family situation, and hopes it won't cause me to leave him because his family's rude to me all the time no matter what I do to help. I told him I'm not in a relationship with his family; I'm in one with him.

I told him no matter how hard things get I'm here. I am there for him. I have been. But lately things have been going worse then ever and I don't know what to do. He's been acting weird with me. He brings up maybe taking a break because he wants me to be happy and not around all the drama. I tell him no, I'm here for him. Then the past few days when I call him he acts like it's annoying that I call.

When I'm nice to him he's mean to me. No matter what I do it's not enough for him. I don't know whether I'm doing something wrong or if he's just being a jerk? I'm so confused and it hurts me so much. I've tried talking to him but he doesn't listen. I know he still cares but I don't know if he wants to be in a relationship anymore. I think he doesn't want to say it. I don't know what to do or think, help!

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

It sounds like you are losing this battle. Somewhere along the line your boyfriend has realized that he can't have you and keep his family happy. You have wrongfully concluded that your relationship is only between you and your man. Your man and his family come as a package deal. So as much as you have to kiss his ass to keep him happy, you have to do the same with his sister and mother. This is not unusual and you shouldn't be upset about the reality of having to deal with "in-laws". They were there before you and they will be there after you are gone, that is just a fact of life.

You are saying all the wrong things. Telling your man repeatedly that your relationship is between him and you is asking him to take sides. If you try and get him to take sides you will be left standing alone picking up the pieces.

Obviously, he is trying to get himself out of this situation, that is why he is acting shady and treating you badly. Right or wrong, his family will come first until he puts a ring on somebody's finger.

It may not be too late to fix this situation. It's gonna take alot of sacrifice on your part. If this guy is worth the sacrifice then accept reality and start kissing up to the family. If he isn't worth the sacrifice or you can't find it in your heart to suck up to these people, move on!

I am having a situation here. I am twenty two years old, and I live at my house with my father. My mother left about a year ago. The truth is, my father and I argue a lot...really more than normal. However, there are some days where everything is okay. The arguments are sometimes dumb. For example, I get a bill in the mail, and the bill is something for me...and nobody else. He sees it and is trying to tell me what I need to do and who to call and how much to pay. I gave him a simple "I can handle it, thanks.", and he flies off the handle. He keeps telling me this is his house, and I just live here. Now, I know according to the deed to the house it is "his" house, but even though I have grown up here...I just live here...that is all. I guess what I am trying to get it is I think the best thing for me to do is move on. The only problem with that is the fact that I am afraid to leave him alone. I told him once if he acts the way he does to everyone, he will die alone, and its the truth. He likes to threaten people with "I'm gonna kill myself" if things don't go his way. I feel like if I leave he will start doing that...and actually go through with it, but I really cant let this hold me back. How do I go about leaving, without his self-pity bothering me?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

The role of a parent is to nurture their child and help make him or her into a productive human being. Once the child is grown the parent's job is done and the child is suppose to go on it's merry way. Unfortunately, many times the roles are reversed and the child takes over the responsibility of "raising" the adult. This usually happens in situations like yours, where the parent is alone and has no life of their own. This is really not a good situation and you must remove yourself from it.

It is not your job to help your father get a life. He has to do this for himself. You have to focus on getting your life together and stop stressing about how badly he has screwed up his own. Start by becoming independent. Get a job! Get a place! Get out!

You have taken the easy route and now are beginning to pay the price for it. Sure, it was easier for you to stay under your father's roof and live off of him, but look at the price you are now paying. You are dependent on him at the age of twenty-two and trapped by guilt and fear of going at it alone. The time has come for you to step up and step out on your own. Forget about your father's veiled threats to do himself in. He is not likely to do that and just manipulating you into staying with him.

Your father is a very unhappy man and that is not your fault. His unhappiness is his burden and not your own. If you don't leave you will inherit his unhappiness and live a miserable life.

Decide to be happy. Move forward with your own life and stop worrying about his life. As long as you linger in this situation neither one of you will make the changes necessary to be happy!

You can still love your dad without being his caretaker. You owe him the gratitude a child should have for his or her parent. Give him love, respect and those things that you give family. What you have now is not a healthy parent-child relationship and unless you make the drastic changes needed your relationship will certainly crumble and cease to exist.

I'm 30 years old and I'm looking for some breakup advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He wants to marry me. We have been through and worked through a lot over the years and he is having a really hard time at the moment..work, money etc. We are getting on fine, he's my best friend and I love him BUT I don't want to be with him anymore. HOW ON EARTH CAN I DO THIS..I'm broke up thinking about it for the past year but my mind is made up.

More than anything I dont want to hurt him.

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

There is simply no easy way to break someone's heart. If someone has been good to you for ten years then they deserve to be told the truth. Tell him that you don't want to get married. Tell him you are ready to end your relationship. Of course this will be difficult, but in the end it will save both of you alot of unhappiness.

Your happiness must be your first concern. As long as you handle this situation in an adult fashion you shouldn't feel guilt about making the decision that is in your best interest. By pursuing your happiness, you will free you boyfriend to move on and perhaps find someone who will want to be with him. As things stand now, he is with you and you don't want him. There is nothing worse then being in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way towards you. Do him a favor and set him free!

It's hard to figure it out because sometimes when I look at him or he looks at me, he always smiles at me like in a weird way. I don't know if its just me thinking too much about it or if there something more to it.

The thing is I want to ask him out, but I don't really know him all that well and just can't find the guts to ask because I'm scared of what will happen.

What should I do ask him or forget about it?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

If you are I interested in someone you should let them know. Obviously, this can be very scary but you shouldn't let fear stand in the way of getting what you want.

More often than not your instincts are going to be correct. So if you feel good about this person it's probably a sign that he will be open to a friendship with you. So say hello and start a conversation. Make sure you keep the focus on him and the things he likes, people like when others show an interest in them!

If he is not interested in you, you will find out rather quickly. He will either end the conversation or show signs of not wanting to talk with you at all. If this is the case, take the hint and move on with your life. There will be many more guys in your life. Don't try and make someone like you, it doesn't work. Either the attraction is there or it's not. If you try and force the issue you are likely to get your feelings hurt in the end.

If you do manage to have that first good conversation, try following up with a suggestion to do something after school. Make sure you do something that allows you to talk and get to know each other. Movies are not a good idea for a "first date" because there is usually not much of a chance to communicate, so try and avoid the theater! I find that getting something to eat is always a good way to spend time with someone you like and are trying to get to know.

The bottom line is make a move! Don't wait for something you want, go get it! If it doesn't work out at least you will be able to move on and stop wasting energy on someone who isn't in to you. Why sit around wondering what a person is feeling or thinking, when you can simply ask! Some people find assertive people attractive, so be assertive!

A friend of mine keeps asking me what she should do, and I keep saying the same thing "follow your heart", but I'm getting tired of saying that and I think she's tired of hearing it!!!
She is really a close friend that I'm absolutely in love with.

The problem is she's constantly confused about things like; why do all the guys like her or why she feels a certain way. She's also confused about what she hears from her heart. That's what she has said to me over the past three months.

She is kinda weird (beyond normal kind of weird). She's constantly confused about who she likes! It's hard to explain why I like her so much. I know I can trust her with anything and she's basically the only one who I feel complete around.

Her relationship with her boyfriend hasn't gotten really that close yet. I think that's because of her commitment to basketball right now.

Our friendship is a really close one. We basically tell each other everything!!! We are seen as a couple sometimes, we laugh at that though. We each have mutual feelings, but not of the same depth, mine are deeper than hers.

How can I get closer to her without her feeling creeped out and without it being totally noticable? She shows signs of liking me back but there's the problem of her pain in the ass boyfriend. She's the only person on my mind EVER!!! Please help me, I need to know what I should do to try to win her affection!!! Thanks!

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

It's not unusual to fall in love with friends. I would venture to say that many friendships start as a result of at least once person being attracted to the other. It seems you have a good friendship with this girl. My only concern is that you may have waited too long to make your move. When people become very close friends it is sometimes very difficult to turn that friendship into a romance. Usually the opposite occurs, a romance evolves into a friendship.

It's not impossible for you to have a relationship with you friend, but it will be difficult to make that transition. Friends share information about themselves with each other, it's not usually the type of information a person shares with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The fact that your friend has confided so many of her feelings and secrets can in you may make her see you more as a "brother" figure than a boyfriend.

I get a sense from your letter that you and your friend have had some romantic moments. I call this, "a friendship with benefits". If this is true, it may be easier for you to get what you want.

The boyfriend is a big problem. She is into somebody right now, so it might not be the right time to raise this issue. I am a person who believes that when you want something you should go get it. However, timing is everything. If she is really into this guy, it may be hard for her to consider what you have to say. She just might not be ready to hear this from you right now.

You have the advantage of already being close to her. Only you will have the benefit of knowing how she feels about this guy. If you know she wants to get closer to this guy, then just wait. Wait and continue to build on what you have with her. Let the foundation of your relationship get stronger. Don't try and interfere with her relationship, that would be a disaster. Let it run it's course.

On the other hand, if you believe she isn't really into this guy, you should tell her how you feel. At worst, she will tell you that she wants to remain friends and you can put these feelings to rest. At best, you may get exactly what you want. Either way, you will know where you stand and that is always a good thing.

There is one more thing to consider. You have a good friendship right now and that is a very difficult thing to find in this world. A good friendship very often outlasts dozens of romantic relationships. Take your time and think this out carefully before you act on your feelings. Good luck!

I have a very good friend who I think is gay but he has not came out. All the signs are there, he is in his late twenties and has never had a girlfriend. He dresses very nicely and has more female friends than male ones. He likes the theatre and hates sports!

I think he's scared of coming out because of his family. They are very conservative and I am sure they wouldn't be very happy with him being gay.

I feel very sad for him knowing that he is living a lie. I want to confront him and help him come out the closet but I don't know what to say or how to go about it. I have known him since elementary school and I want him to be happy. How should I help him break down the closet door?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

You sound crazy! What makes you believe that any of this is your business? Obviously, if you have known this person since elementary school and he hasn't chosen to discuss his sexuality with you, your friendship is not as strong as you believe.

Coming out, assuming your friend is gay, is a very personal thing. Each individual must make that decision on his or her own. It is not your responsibility to drag someone out of the closet kicking and screaming!

I suggest you let your friend live his life anyway he sees fit and mind your business. Your friend will be just fine and if he chooses to discuss this with you it will be on his terms. Your approach will only cause him to face something he is obviously not ready, willing or able to come to terms with yet.

Ok this is a bit complicated. I see this band sometimes, and I developed a crush on one of the guys in the band. Now there is a good 18 year age gap between he and I. He has always been friendly and we are in long term committed relationships with other people. Plus other than the occasional 'hi' we don't speak or communicate ever. 

A few months ago I noticed he works at a place I shop, and I only noticed cause he waved. Then a few weeks ago I was leaving the place he was playing and as I shut the door he gave me a lingering hug. I kind of told him about my little stalker crush on him, and then I mentioned that I knew he had a girlfriend, and he gave me another lingering hug and that was that. 

Then a few weeks after that I was stood up by a friend of mine so I walked over to the bar they were at and sat there and had a few drinks and he came down the stairs reeking of weed. I told him he smelled like pot and he smiled and told me he probably tasted like pot too and kissed me quickly and left. I sat there stunned. I had thought the weird random hugs were just him being a nice guy, but the kiss threw me. 

Last week I was shopping and he called my name, so I went over to him and we made polite conversation. He talked about a few things like being sober of on Sat (the kiss happened on fri) and as I was leaving I asked if he was sober on fri, he said no he was trashed. I gave a coy little ok and left. 

Fast forward to this past friday night, I came to his show with some friends, but they followed some other guys to a bar I am not fond of. I sat alone, but was then joined by two dudes who decided to sit next to me. I ran into the band guy and he said hi. I said hi, again very casually. Later in the evening one of the guys was a jerk so I left the table. After the end of the last set I went ahead paid my card and left. I hear my name screamed out a window of a car so I turn around, and it is the band guy. He offers to give me a ride to my car and since I am in heels I accept. 

We park next to my car and we make polite chit chat, and then he leans over and tells me he is sober and kisses me. Then the most intense makeout session occurs. I mean that desperate grabbing at clothing, underneath clothing, hair grabbing, even got a little sexual with the grabbing. I mean hot. He then tells me I should really go. I look for my purse and of course I can't find it, and when I do it starts back up again a little, but he reiterates that I had to go. So I get in my car and we both drive off. 

The next night my friend is going through girl issues and he asks me to come out with him, and by chance when I call him he is where? The same bar the same band. I focus on him and his issues and try to avoid the band guy. In fact, I started to realize maybe I was the one who came on too strong. So I wrote him a stupid email after I successfully avoided him, and told him if it was issue I would take my friend somewhere else the next time he played. He wrote back. It's fine....we're fine...see you sat... 

I don't want a relationship with him. I don't want to play the love card, but I am moving soon and if something is going to happen let it happen already! I am really all for a sex thing, but he is hot and cold all the time. I don't care if i am a secret, in fact I prefer it. 

Another perspective would be nice. What should I do?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

Women do love musicians.  There is something very attractive about talent and you are not the only one experiencing your emotions.  Musicians also love to be adored, so it is no surprise that you got to kiss and hug with your musician friend.  My question to you is very simple, if you don't want a relationship why didn't you just get down and dirty when you first got the opportunity?  It seems you had a chance to engage in some sexual activity and you wasted it.  Sometimes lightning doesn't strike twice and you have to take advantage of the special moments that life presents.  It seems to me that this guy was willing to reward you for being a faithful follower and you didn't act like someone who is not interested in a relationship.  I think you like him more than you want to admit.

You need to know that musicians get into music to get women.  So if you are not ready to put out when the moment comes it is unlikely that you will get many more chances.  I know this sounds harsh but I like to keep things real.  This guy is not looking for a relationship, so if the sex doesn't come fast he is not going to stick around.  

You say you don't want to be a stalker, but you are sending him emails and bringing other dudes to his shows.  This is not a good way to get what you want.  Assuming you really just wanna have sex with a guy you are into, go back alone and if you get a second chance don't hesitate to get what you want.  Grab it, take it...and work it out!