Melanie Writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months.  We hooked up from a one night stand that turned into something more.  Even at the very beginning, after that, he was weird about sex.  Weird being that he doesn't try to have a lot of it.  We do have sex, and when we do, its really, really great for both parties, and he gets really into it.  Its getting him to want to thats the problem.  If we drink together, we almost always have sex.  But sober, its a different story.  His excuse is that he doesn't want sex to get routine, and he thinks it will if we do it all the time.  His excuse at the beginning was that he didn't want our relationship to have sex as its basis.  I understand that some men do just have low labidos, and he IS stressed out about money, but still I just don't feel like thats it.  The last girl he dated, they were together almost 2 years, when they broke up, came out that she was a lesbian?  I don't know if theres some sort of ego related complex that has birthed from the situation?  I just need to understand what could be his problem.  Other than that, we have an absolutely great relationship, and we are affectionate towards one another.  Any ideas?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

This early into the relationship things should be going well.  The sex should be exciting and fun and both of you should be trying to have sex with each other as often as possible.  I have to believe that this guy is not all that into you and that you are trying to make a relationship out of one night stand.  One night stands can be fun but they are called one night stands because you never see the person again.  Once you try and turn it into something more then what it was you are playing with fire.

Here is the key, you shouldn't have to get your boyfriend drunk in order to have sex with you.  If you are forced to get him drunk in order to have fun, more likely then not, he is having sex because he is drunk, not because he is all that into you.  Is that what you really want?  I don't think so because that would mean you are settling for something less than what you deserve and why should you do that?

Obviously this guy has some feelings for you or he wouldn't be going through all of this drama.  He probably really wants to give it a shot with you but his heart is simply not in it and you can't manufacture natural attraction and affection no matter how much booze you pour into someone's glass.  The end result is that you will start to feel bad that this guy is not feeling the same way about you that you feel about him.  So, if you can be friends with this guy and have occassional sex and fun, then do that.  If you don't think you can keep your feelings in check, then you should walk away.

Stop trying to find the reason that this guy is not that much into you and just accept it. In the end you may have much more fun with the guy if you keep it real.  Stop trying so hard to make a one night stand into a relationship and just try and have fun.