Dorothy Writes:

I am a single mother with two children.  My oldest daughter is fifteen years old and has never given me much to worry about.  My son on the other hand is driving me crazy.  He is five years old and can be very difficult to deal with.  Usually he is very hyper and runs around my apartment pretty much doing as he pleases.  When I try to discipline him in any way he will start screaming and crying as if I was beating him.  In the past he has taken to breaking my things, including lamps, dishes and many other household furnishings.  I don't like to hit him but must admit that recently I grabbed a belt and smacked him on the butt pretty hard.  It caused some bruises which later made me feel quite guilty.

This past weekend we went to the local Walmart.  He opened a package that was on a shelf and took a small toy.  When I told him to put it back he put it in his pocket and yelled back at me.  The store was very packed and it proved to be a very embarrassing moment.  I finally grabbed him and when I went to pull the toy out of his pocket he bit me. 

I am afraid that I will lose it very soon and hit my son too hard.  What can I do to discipline this kid without getting myself in trouble?

MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:

Where is this kid's father?  It seems to me that part of the problem may lie with the fact that there is an absent parent.  Is he not around because he doesn't want to be or is there something you are doing to keep him away?  If he is choosing not to be in this child's life that is one thing, but if you are doing anything to interfere with the father/son relationship STOP RIGHT NOW!  Raising children is hard enough and if the father wants to be part of the picture you need to encourage his participation.  On the other hand, if the father not being present is out of your control, then there is nothing you may be able to do about getting some help in raising this child.

Some people would argue that beating a child is a bad thing.  I don't necessarily agree.  I think most successful people in this world will admit to a few parental ass whippings in their childhood.  Kids today get away with alot more because there is this need to protect them from abuse.  Yes, beating a child can be abusive but so can letting your child run rampant doing whatever he pleases without any regard for the repercussions.  Children need to be taught right from wrong and need to understand when they break rules they will suffer consequences.  I am not sure that putting a child in the corner for a ten minute time out is as effective as a good switch to the ass.  However, it is up to each parent and their local child protective agencies to define what is the fine line between good old fashion parenting and abuse. 

I think your child probably doesn't fear you in any way.  He actually thinks he can bite you and get away with it without any real penalty.  This needs to change.  He should fear you and understand that he will be treated in an unpleasant way if he doesn't behave.  Obviously the way you are handling things right now isn't working.  Your child is already shoplifting, and he is not even good at it!  Who shoplifts in front of witnesses!  Wouldn't you rather teach your children how to behave or let some Judge down the road exact the punishment for his unruly behavior?

I guess the bottom line is get tougher on this kid.  He breaks your things, then break his favorite toy.  He bites you, then slap the hell out of him.  (Self-Defense right?)  Remember if you land in jail because you beat your kid too much then something is probably wrong with you in the first place.  You can discipline a child without breaking their bones, or scarring them or doing worse.  No doubt many people will disagree with me, but this is my advice and no one has to follow it.  I just know it works because I got plenty of butt whippings in my day and I am a better person for it.  Thanks Dad!