A Big Problem
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 1:10PM Cheryl Writes:
I really love my husband, he is a hard-working beautiful man who really tries hard to take good care of me. The only real problem I have is that he is constantly pressuring me to lose weight. I am a big girl for my size but I can't keep the weight off.
I get frustrated when he tries to get me on new diets and question if he really loves me as much as I love him. Our sex life has become almost non-existent and he doesn't even seem to enjoy hugging me or touching me in anyway.
Lately he has taken to calling me names to try and make me feel bad when I eat things he doesn't want me to eat. Sometimes he grunts and makes little pig noises! It really hurts my feelings and I don't know how to respond most of the time.
Do you think that he doesn't love me anymore? Do you think he will ever just accept me as I am?
MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:
He grunts and makes little pig noises? Yikes! Exactly how big have you gotten? This seems like a very extreme reaction. Something tells me that when you first were dating you must have been much smaller than you are now.
Listen, you have to understand that there are limits to how much change people expect in a relationship. If you were in relatively good shape when you first met and now you have ballooned up into something that warrants grunts and pig noises that is too much change! No one expect their spouse to remain as beautiful as the day they first met, but they don't expect a complete transformation either.
If your husband is the good man that you say he is he deserves an extra effort on your part. Put down the spoon and pick up a gym membership. At the very least, curtail your eating habits in a way that enables him to see that you are trying to do something about this big problem.
Weight loss is not easy. However, I would saying finding a good husband is a far more difficult challenge. You already have one, so you should try and keep him. Don't be mistaken, if you aren't having sex its because he is turned off by your size. Having a husband that isn't attracted to you is recipe for divorce. (Sorry about the use of the word recipe, maybe that was a poor choice on my part!) He will find sex with someone else if he can't get it from you, so do something to make a difference.
If you are not willing to take off the weight, you will lose this good man. The choice is yours.
View Printer Friendly Version
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (2)
WHAT?!? Lose weight for a man who makes PIGGY noises at you??? what kind of advice is that? It's obvious that this man, who is HURTING her FEELINGS, does not love her. How can you love someone and do that to them? Dump the jerk. It's way easier to lose weight without someone OINKING at you.
When a man and a woman get married they become 'one flesh' in the sight of God. This means that as married people our bodies are not our own alone. We share our bodies with our spouse. This does not just refer to sexual relations. First the husband and wife should maintain healthy bodies for themselves and for each other. Second the husband and wife should maintain their bodies in a manner that is pleasing to the other. Lastly there are significant health risks associated with being overweight. The first thing you have to change is your mind. Your letter said that you 'can't keep the weight off'. The truth is you can but you might need help. Talk to your doctor. He/she may be able to refer you to a weight loss program that would be well suited for you, prescribe medicine to aid in your weigt loss or recommend surgery.
Do this because it is good for you and good for your marriage. Don't be suprised though to find that this does not fix your marriage. Your husband sounds like a jerk. Nevertheless if you do this God will bless you hopefully with a better husband.