Martin Writes:

I just recently turned 18 years old and will be graduating high school soon.  I live with my parents and have basically been a good son.  I have had lots of girlfriends but in the last couple of years I started to have sex with guys.  At first it was just guys from the neighborhood but more recently I met someone a few years older than me on the internet.  We have been spending a lot of time together and I think that I am going to move in with him after I graduate.  (He is 24 and has his own place)

I don't know how to tell my parents that I am moving in with a guy.  They are so used to me being with girls that I am sure they will be totally shocked if I tell them.  I really like this guy and I have been spending some weekends with him, so I think I am ready for moving in.  I just don't know how to tell my parents that I am gay.  I don't know if they will handle it very well.

MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:

You are making a big mistake moving in this dude.  It seems to me that the reason you want to move in with him is so you can continue to live a gay lifestyle without having to face your parents each day.  The fact of the matter is that regardless of whether you are gay, straignt, bisexual, or whatever, moving in with someone when you are eighteen years old is just stupid.  You have to go out and experience the world as an individual before you can get serious about a relationship. 

This person has made it easy for you to avoid the reality of telling your parents you are gay.  He is a way of escaping their judgment.  The truth is he is much older then you and probably will try and keep you locked up in that apartment if and when you do move in.  The fact that he is seeking out kids in high school instead of people his own age tells me he is going to make your life pure hell.  He obviously can't have successful relationships with people his own age, so he is trolling on the internet for minors.  He has used his money, apartment, and whatever he gives you to get an upper hand on this relationship.  Don't fall for it.  You are way too young to settle down.

I suggest you take your time telling your parents.  You need to get to a point where you want to tell them.  Right now you feel you have to tell them and that tells me you are not ready to deal with them.  When you are comfortable with yourself, then you won't really care what your parents think and you will have no fear telling them about your sexuality.  More then likely they will have already figured it out.  Many parents can usually figure this out, especially when their kid is avoiding home on the weekends and not bringing girls to the home.  In any event, don't think so poorly of your parents, chances are they love you enough to deal with whatever makes you happy.

What you are planning right now is just a way of running away from a potential problem.  Stay home with your parents.  Meet dudes your own age.  Have lots of safe sex with lots of people.  After you have done all of these things then you can settle down with someone and find an apartment. I suggest when you are about thirty-five!   If you move now, it will just be substituting one parent figure for another. 

Hopefully, you will slow down.  If not, I am certain you will be very unhappy with this guy within a few months.  Once he has you in his apartment you will be dependant on him.  I am sure that is his plan, I can only hope you are smart enough to take my advice.