JAY Writes:

In the first few years of my marrage the sex was great. Fourteen years later my wife just doesn't want to have sex as much as I do. We love each other and are always together but I'm a horn dog and when I give her hints that i'm in the mood she will kind of give me hints back that she is not interested. I have been very calm about it for a while but it is beginning to anger me a bit. For example, when the kids are in bed and I take the first shower, I usually shut our doors and turn on some sexy music.  It's not unusual for her to come out of the shower and re-open the doors and shut off the music.

I give her hints throughout the day that I want sex and always treat her good. My wife is sexy and when she wears certain clothes her body is amazing.  I let her know she looks very sexy and how I want to bite her. She likes the comments and she knows I'm watching so she teases me. Her tease is like, we would be in the kitchen and she will be grabbing something out of the shelf then turn around and see me watching. That is her way of teaseing me. The past six months we have been running a business out of the house and we put in many hours, usually 6am-9:30 pm.  My wife also is a full time student and I know what you are thinking and (wrong) our daughter also goes to college with her. When we have sex it's hot! But I want it more! Here is something that kills me, when our day of work is over and she didn't have to go to school that night she will sometimes watch her tv show and relax. I go up stairs and take a shower hoping she will follow. By the time she gets up there I'm half asleep and of course she's tired. Give me what you got Mr. Good Advice!

MR GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:

I follow a very simple rule in my life.  If a person doesn't want to have sex with me I simply accept that they don't desire me.  I don't try and find reasons for this behavior I just try and deal with it the best way I can.  I also don't try and convince people that they should have sex with me.  Sex is best when both people want it to happen and it is usually pretty bad when its done out of a sense of obligation or pity.

You are married and you do have sex occasionally.  It seems that at least once in a while your wife wants to screw you.  What is it that leads to this sex?  I hope its not because you are giving her a guilt trip and that it is because she really wants it.  If thats the case, then just enjoy it when you get it.  

Now, I also believe that if you accept that your wife doesn't want to have sex with you on a frequent basis you will be able to deal with this situation much better.  First of all, if you aren't constantly begging for her affection she will more then likely notice and begin to wonder what the hell is wrong with you.  More times than not, when you show a person that you don't need something from them they usually will actually start to be more attentive to you.  My advice, don't give her any for a while.  She will assume you are losing interest in her and this will drive her nuts!  When she feels that she is losing you she will once again start to cater to your needs!

All of this advice is premised on the assumption that your wife is not having an affair.  If she is in love with another dude, then its over for you and there is nothing you can do to fix this situation.  Hopefully, that is not the case and as soon as you ignore her a bit things will most likely turn around.  Bottom line, treat people great and they will tire of you, treat them like crap and they will love you forever.  It's a self-esteem thing and it works.  

One more thing.  Don't bite your wife that might have something to do with her not wanting to have sex with you.