Michael Writes:

I was placed into foster care at birth and adopted at age five.  I am now twenty-four years old and feeling a strong need to find my birth mother.  I feel a little strange about asking my adopted parents for their help because I think it will hurt their feelings. However, I have a feeling they may have a lot of information that would help me find my mother much sooner.  

I have a lot of unanswered questions and I think that finding my mother would help me deal with a lot of issues in my life.  Do you think this is a good idea?  Do you think that my mother wants to see me?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

I have no doubt that you must be really screwed up by not knowing anything about your mother.  You should probably focus your energy on the things that you do know about her instead of wasting time looking for a relationship that may never exist.  You know that for some reason your mother wasn't able to take care of you when you were born. You should probably assume that she and the court system felt it was best for you to be placed with others.  This doesn't necessarily mean your mother was a bad person, on the contrary more likely she had issues that she didn't want you to have to deal with.

Obviously, time has past.  Things may be radically different for your birth mother at this time.  Then again, they may not.  There may be a lot of terrible things you don't need to find out and bring into your life at this moment.  Trust that the people in your life who cared for you did the best they could.  Had it been in your best interest for your birth mother to be in your life, I am certain she would have been.  Leave good enough alone, be content to know you birth mother, your adoptive parents and the courts did what was in your best interest.  Move forward and try not to look back.