Eric writes:

I met this cute guy in California and we started spending time together while I was there on business. At the time I was there he had a boyfriend and was cheating on him with me. I know that's a bad thing but I didn't care because he was so cute.

I came back to New York and within a few weeks he broke up with his boyfriend and came to live with me. I don't usually do things like this but I just couldn't say no to him. In fact, we entered into a civil union about a month later.

Here's the problem. He won't get a job and I'm the one paying all the bills. All he wants to do is get high and lay around the house. It's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do. I know he has potential but I can't get him to set any goals. Can you offer any suggestions?

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

You do realize that in addition to being a lazy bum, your partner is probably cheating on you while you are at work, don't you? How could you expect this person to treat you any better than the last guy he was with? A cheater cheats, so just don't expect otherwise.

You "married" a real winner. You should stop fooling yourself into believing he cares about you. You are a person who is helping him survive. There is no love here and no relationship. You are each providing a service to one another. If you can deal with that reality stay together, if not move on!

Find someone who already has goals and stop wasting time, energy and MONEY on trying to teach a grown man to be responsible. If he hasn't figured that out yet chances are he never will.

You entered into a civil union with a stranger! Now you will have to deal with the law in ending your fling. It will probably be easy to end it legally but it will cost you. Be prepared to have to pay to relocate this guy and help him settle down somewhere else. I would even expect you might have to give him a few bucks to survive for a short period of time.

Bottom line, get him out and move on!