Sparky Writes:

A friend of mine keeps asking me what she should do, and I keep saying the same thing "follow your heart", but I'm getting tired of saying that and I think she's tired of hearing it!!!
She is really a close friend that I'm absolutely in love with.

The problem is she's constantly confused about things like; why do all the guys like her or why she feels a certain way. She's also confused about what she hears from her heart. That's what she has said to me over the past three months.

She is kinda weird (beyond normal kind of weird). She's constantly confused about who she likes! It's hard to explain why I like her so much. I know I can trust her with anything and she's basically the only one who I feel complete around.

Her relationship with her boyfriend hasn't gotten really that close yet. I think that's because of her commitment to basketball right now.

Our friendship is a really close one. We basically tell each other everything!!! We are seen as a couple sometimes, we laugh at that though. We each have mutual feelings, but not of the same depth, mine are deeper than hers.

How can I get closer to her without her feeling creeped out and without it being totally noticable? She shows signs of liking me back but there's the problem of her pain in the ass boyfriend. She's the only person on my mind EVER!!! Please help me, I need to know what I should do to try to win her affection!!! Thanks!

MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:

It's not unusual to fall in love with friends. I would venture to say that many friendships start as a result of at least once person being attracted to the other. It seems you have a good friendship with this girl. My only concern is that you may have waited too long to make your move. When people become very close friends it is sometimes very difficult to turn that friendship into a romance. Usually the opposite occurs, a romance evolves into a friendship.

It's not impossible for you to have a relationship with you friend, but it will be difficult to make that transition. Friends share information about themselves with each other, it's not usually the type of information a person shares with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The fact that your friend has confided so many of her feelings and secrets can in you may make her see you more as a "brother" figure than a boyfriend.

I get a sense from your letter that you and your friend have had some romantic moments. I call this, "a friendship with benefits". If this is true, it may be easier for you to get what you want.

The boyfriend is a big problem. She is into somebody right now, so it might not be the right time to raise this issue. I am a person who believes that when you want something you should go get it. However, timing is everything. If she is really into this guy, it may be hard for her to consider what you have to say. She just might not be ready to hear this from you right now.

You have the advantage of already being close to her. Only you will have the benefit of knowing how she feels about this guy. If you know she wants to get closer to this guy, then just wait. Wait and continue to build on what you have with her. Let the foundation of your relationship get stronger. Don't try and interfere with her relationship, that would be a disaster. Let it run it's course.

On the other hand, if you believe she isn't really into this guy, you should tell her how you feel. At worst, she will tell you that she wants to remain friends and you can put these feelings to rest. At best, you may get exactly what you want. Either way, you will know where you stand and that is always a good thing.

There is one more thing to consider. You have a good friendship right now and that is a very difficult thing to find in this world. A good friendship very often outlasts dozens of romantic relationships. Take your time and think this out carefully before you act on your feelings. Good luck!